Month: December 2019

There’s a bunch of really, and I mean REALLY cheesy sayings out there. You’ll find them on “inspirational” memes, kitchen plaques, removable vinyl stickers in people’s houses, tee shirts, coffee mugs, bumpers of cars, etc…

They read things like “Too blessed to be stressed” or “Live, Laugh, Love” and occasionally you’ll come across the motherload of cliche sayings “It’s not the number of breaths we take, but the number of moments that take our breath away.” Terrible, I know.

The thing about these little quotes is, they are usually all true. I’ve done a lot of changing over the years. I changed my behaviors. I’ve changed how I dress. How I cut my hair, how I speak. I have changed where I say I’m from. I changed how I view people and how I view God. I have changed what my definition of happiness is and I have changed what I put value in. I changed the type of people I choose to be around, what I think about myself, how smart I think I am, my openness to seeking guidance and direction. I have changed how responsible I am. I have changed how honest I am and I have changed how I talk about people. I have changed my understanding of how to resolve conflict and how I give and receive love. There’s a long list of how I have changed. Disclaimer: There’s also a decent sized list of how I haven’t, I’m a work in progress.

I have also changed how I view the validity and merit of the cheesy, cliche saying “Nothing short of a miracle.”

I have gone into great detail about who I was as a father before I got sober. The years that my eldest son was alive until he turned 7 years old. I was a monster. An abuser. An absentee dad. A complete loser. My son has every reason in the world to hate me. To never forgive me. He has every reason to never speak to me again and if he chose that, I would have to take it on the chin and deal with it.

In fact, that is how I planned on my sobriety going. I thought that I wouldn’t have an opportunity to really parent him daily. Maybe like every other weekend I could see him or something. I decided to get sober and seek God despite these possibilities.

Once I made that decision, the decision to get close to God strictly because God is good in every way, despite what I may want in life…I believe God performed something that was nothing short of a miracle. Not only did God change me almost completely in many ways, but He also appointed me to be a trustee for one of His kids. That in itself was miraculous enough.

Trust me.

He then went further. He gave me the wisdom, the love, the kindness, the softness, the patience, the determination, the guidance, the hustle, the lack of desire to ever drink or use drugs again…and He gave all that to me so that I could show my son what God could do and who God is. He changed me so that I could be a daily example of how big God truly is.

The relationship I have with my son today is nothing short of a miracle. It is a tangible example of how God has the absolute power to heal. To mend relationships. To shape people. To provide the power to love again.

Acts 3:16

By faith in the name of Jesus, this man whom you see and know was made strong. It is Jesus’ name and the faith that comes through him that has completely healed him, as you can all see.

“And you will again see the distinction between the righteous and the wicked, between those who serve God and those who do not.”

There are two ways to look at those who are lost. I think I learned this thoroughly due to my time spent lost vs my time spent trying to be who I think God wants me to be. I can judge them as being a bad person or I can judge them for being distant from God and try to help them. And to be clear, when I say lost I mean completely void of the true comfort found in the love of God. You may have whatever understanding of God that you want. I can’t imagine where I would be right now if my sponsor judged me for my lack of God when we first met and distanced himself from me instead of pulling me in closer.

Prior to getting sober, I spent a lot of time judging others. It was a practice that not only prolonged my misery but did so by delusionally convincing me that I was justified in my actions. My problem at its core is disconnection and/or lack of love, so judging others only instigates my problem more.

So I strategically used the phrase “prior to getting sober” because it describes to you that I am referring to me at my worst, but my judgement of others didn’t stop when I put down the bottle down and threw the needles away. I continued. I furthered my misery by feeding my separation from others.

In the first words of this writing I referenced scripture that states that we will see a distinction between people. It says we will judge. I think for me, in this context that is a good thing. It just boils down to what I am using the judgement for? Am I using it to put myself in a higher position than others or am I using it to recognize who needs my help?

I think we all judge. I think that’s ok. I just think it’s important to use the judgement to help people.

I can certainly do this, um….better. I look at social media, a platform that only encourages judgement. “Oh, Sally just had a baby, look at her and her beautiful family!”

That’s a judgement. A healthy one.

“Oh Sally just had ANOTHER baby. She can’t even really handle the kids she has now. I feel bad for her.”

That’s also a judgement.

I feel fairly trapped in social media and it is a topic I feel very weak in. I don’t think I’m using it for the best reasons most of time and I yearn to separate myself from it.

I think for me, the less I judge, the better off I am, but I don’t think it will ever go away. I prefer to notice things; to see the distinction between those who serve God and those who don’t because I want to seek direction from those that serve God and help those who don’t. Both of which I can be doing better.

My preference is to align my needs with those who have weathered a similar storm before and to listen, but filter out direction from those who give direction based on speculation sans principles. You don’t have to have gone through the same season as me to direct me to principle. This is why I absolutely love my sponsor. He has given me stellar direction every time I went to him because he always reverts to the following principles:

Am I being my brother’s keeper?

Am I doing something that will help me grow spiritually?

Am I causing harm or not?

Am I seeing where I can give rather than what I can take?

Am I sowing seeds of love or of fear?

My sponsor and I don’t see eye to eye on everything but we do both share the same views of how to serve God and my belief is that is why we are both still alive and happy today. He’s the reason I understand a lot about God and I am forever in his debt. He’s the catalyst for me relying on God. He started me off with understanding that service to others is the best way to maintain a relationship with God. He instilled this in me by showing me over and over and over again how to put your live on hold to help your brothers and sisters. Oh, and guess what else, with your judgy little self? He’s helped more people than you and 25 of your friends combined. I’m being very conservative with that number too.

And he is not like me or you in many ways. He doesn’t share the same views of God that I do. He doesn’t share the same views of homosexuality as I do. I’m pretty sure we don’t share the same political views either, but we don’t really discuss that.

But he is free.

Even with all the differences between us.

He. Is. Free.