Month: March 2020

Things I am not:

Perfect, young, free of sin, worthless, damaged, bad, pessimistic, loveless, selfish, stupid, lazy, unmotivated, careless, angry, abusive, hateful, an addict, unwilling to learn, better than anyone, ignorant, racist, rich, always right, lonely, inexperienced, void of empathy or mentally ill.

I’m aware I could’ve added more to that list, but you get the point.

Things that I am:

Full of faith

I believe that is all I have to be and everything else gets taken care of. I believe that because I have experienced it. You won’t catch me freaking out about the Coronavirus, not because I don’t think it’s serious enough to be concerned with but because I know with my whole heart that God is sovereign. God is in control, you guys. My faith in God is at a level where I am completely convinced that everything in God’s world is happening under His say so.

I don’t have all the answers. Don’t @ me with “Then why did God let all these people get sick and/or die” because I don’t know. Just like I don’t know how/why God creates the feeling I get when I’m holding my daughter and she smiles at me. I don’t have these answers.

I do know that if you are a man/woman of faith, this is a very good opportunity for you to demonstrate to others what your character and your faith is like.

Are you participating in the mass hysteria? Are you being proactive to protect yourself, your family, your friends/co-workers and even strangers on the street? Are you doubting that things are divinely under control?

I spent a good part of my life living in fear and making bad decision after bad decision because of that. I was gracefully granted freedom from that and the Coronavirus certainly isn’t big enough to sway me from my beliefs.

Maybe you haven’t knocked on deaths door as many times as me and you don’t have a big tolerance for fearful things, that’s ok. I’m glad you didn’t have to live like me. But take a second and look at things in your life that you were convinced were earth shattering while they were happening. Remember that time when you were facing that seemingly life changing event when you were 100% certain things would be different for the rest of your life because of it and 6 months later you could barely even remember it happening?

I am not minimizing things at all. Please don’t think that. All I am trying to do is say, God has our back, you guys. That doesn’t mean that people won’t get sick or die. That doesn’t mean that we won’t have to push through storms and rough seasons in our lives. It just means that when everything is all said and done, we will be ok. I am being careful, I am taking precautions against the spread of COVID-19. I want to do everything within my power to protect my family…but I am not scared.

Do not be plagued with the virus of fear. Do not let faith slip from your grasp in time of tragedy. Be strong and confident that God is protecting His people in the way He sees fit.

I love each and every one of you reading this.

There’s a special place in my heart for children of broken homes, sons and daughters of addicted parents, abused kids, children who grew up in poverty, basically any little boy or girl who had to face more than most have to. I know there’s problems in every family. I know we all had to get through stuff. I’m not talking about the average person. I’m referring to the kids who were placed in a position to internalize their parent’s bullshit. The kids who got hit by their father’s belt and walked away not thinking “Man, I’ll never do that again. I don’t want to get hit by that belt anymore” but instead were plagued by self doubt and insecurity. The ones who walked away from a beating thinking “Why am I not loved enough to be talked to instead of hit?” Or “I wish my dad believed me that I just don’t know why I did that” or “I’m such a bad person that I am being hit with a belt and I bet I’m the reason mom and dad are getting a divorce.”

There are so many kids that believe they were the catalyst for their parents getting a divorce. They walk around with that. Some never think otherwise.

This is why I was so selective when I decided to be with my wife, knowing that even tho she didn’t birth my boys, they would potentially feel the same thoughts as any kid of a broken home felt if her and I didn’t make it.

This is why when I decided to cross that line with her, I did so under God’s direction. When me and their mother went in different directions, I watched my kids, both of them…cry themselves to sleep every night for a very long, uncomfortable amount of time. I can promise you that it was not easy to be strong in those moments. It was not easy to hold my tongue. I did it, and continue to hold my tongue because I don’t want my children to suffer. Truth always rises to the top. I know this to be fact.

My current wife, my boy’s stepmother is more of a rock to this family than I am a lot of the times. I feel completely safe with her as a parent to these children. It is a sense of security that I have always longed for. It is the result of God reliance from the two heads of the household. It is a perfect scenario for a child to be raised in…and we have 3 kids that have the potential to be free of unnecessary pain.

I wonder if lack of God reliance is the reason people do what they do? I wonder how many children suffer because their parents are too proud to surrender to the idea that maybe they are not as strong as they think.

I am not saying that someone who isn’t God reliant can’t raise their kids in a healthy manner, I’m not saying it because I believe they can and do. I’m not contradicting Proverbs 13:24 either. I’m talking about more than that. I just know who I am and I know that if my wife and I weren’t God focused, our children would suffer and I am so grateful we are giving them the love they deserve.