As a child, you have no idea how your pain affects your parents. It’s like a concept that doesn’t even exist in a kid. You may become aware of how your actions and decisions affect them, but not really your pain. It’s like once kissing a boo boo stops working to relieve pain, the awareness that your pain makes your parents hurt, also disappears.
As a parent, my kid’s pain murders me. Doesn’t matter if it’s my eldest, middle or youngest child… when they are hurting I am too. That really goes for anyone I love, not just my kids…but when it’s the kids, the pain is intensified.
This goes for physical or emotional pain and so far, I’ve witnessed both in all 3 of my children. My two boys had to maneuver through emotional pain that no child should have to go through. They’re still processing certain things that took place years ago.
Then there is health stuff. That may be the worst on the parents, just due to the uncertainty of it all. Canaan had some seriously tight moments with epilepsy, Keegan had some visits with the pediatric neurology folks as well. Luna has FPIES. My wife and I were talking about how outside of the box their health stuff has been, and I have friends with kids that have far more serious health issues with their kids. As a parent it’s all encompassing and damn near impossible to focus on anything else.
One reason I’m writing all this down is to remind myself one day where I found the strength to get through this most recent battle. If you don’t like to hear about God, you may want to go ahead and “X” outta this little window right about now….
I must’ve prayed around 10-15 times and hour between 9pm Friday evening and Sunday morning. I think the last time I was that concerned for my child’s well being is when Canaan had his first seizure.
I’m going to share what happened.
2 weeks ago, Luna was sick. She got an ear and sinus infection and was given penicillin. I’m allergic to that stuff, but she’s taken it successfully one time so I didn’t think anything of it at first. Then 7 days after she started taking it, she broke out in a rash. We took her to the doctor and ceased the medication. Turns out she was allergic to it as well. Gave her some steroids and Cortisone cream. No harm, no foul.
Then this past Friday night we were eating dinner, I looked at Luna and it looked like she had 2 black eyes. I mean it was that quick. Then we looked at her hands, then her feet. She was swelling up fast and aggressively. She was struggling to even walk. She was crying…hard. We were concerned about her breathing so we tried to contact her doctor but couldn’t get to him fast enough. Everybody got in my truck and we left for the hospital.
I heard Keegan say to Kelli from the backseat, “Heckerrrrrr….we’re at triple digits!” while looking at the speedometer. Kelli calmly said “Just look at your phone” lol. Got to the ER and went straight back. Luna looked like the Michelin Man at this point…but much cuter obviously.
Canaan came and picked up Keegan. Kelli and I had no idea what we were in for. We both thought they’d give her something and we’d be on our way.
Nope.
Not even close.
They did all the vitals and all that, we saw the pediatrician and they wanted to give her an IV. Kelli knew I shouldn’t be in the room for that because I have a very bizarre tendency for violence when someone hurts my kids, even if they’re trying to help them. So I agreed and went out to get my ipad for her. By the time I got back, they were still trying…and failing.
I went in and protested. I said they need to give her oral meds to calm down the swelling first but they wanted to try the IV because if they needed to administer medicine quickly for serious reasoning, it needed to be available.
Panic mode initiated.
Luna could not be consoled. We would go on to try and give her an IV a total of 4 times over the next 4 hours. Even the sonogram IV specialist came in twice with her machine, trying to find a vein using a sonogram machine and failed. Her veins were collapsed and she was too swollen. Every time they tried again Luna was shaking and hyperventilating. Her eyes would roll back in her head and she looked lost.
At one point Kelli asked the doctor how concerned we should be on a scale of 1-10. The doctor told us between 6 and 7.
SIX AND SEVEN?!?! Say, 2 and 3 or something. DO NOT SAY SIX AND SEVEN!
He also told us that the seriousness of her condition may require a transport to Hopkins or the ICU. He also told us that all the Maryland ICU was full and she may need to be flown out of state.
Our little baby girl might need to be flown out of state to the ICU? I can tell you that my prayers were never ending during this time. My wife had a full blown panic attack. At one point I had her in my arms tighter than I would have an opponent at Jiujitsu. It was horrifying.
You think the worst in these moments. Well, at least you are aware of the worst case scenario. I went back and forth on that one. Kelli would ask me how I was so calm, to which I replied “Because she’s going to be fine”
Kelli said “But bad things happen to good people!”
“She will be fine”
The truth is, one moment I was ok, I felt that God was present in that room and I knew with everything I had in me that we were protected by Him. And that never went away, but I was also aware that I don’t know what God’s plan is.
I just knew everything would be ok.
I broke down at times. Kelli broke down at times. It was very crazy in that room.
Eventually (the next day) they advised that she was stable enough that we could stay there. They changed our room and we waited to see her progress. Her arm and leg swelling improved. Her rash changed to bruising all over her little body. Her hands, arms and feet were bruised from the intensity of her swelling.
Then, just when we thought everything was close to being under control, her face blew up like she had just fought in an MMA match.
It was all very scary, very frustrating and it left us feeling extremely helpless. Our friends and family were stopping by to drop things off for us…toys, food, clothes….we were running off very little sleep. I slept maybe 4 hours in a 36 hour time period or something like that. My pastor called and prayed for us.
It was absolute insanity.
But my faith never wavered. I was scared, of course…but I think the love that is present in my family and my relationship with Jesus were the only things holding me together. I am so grateful for that.
She improved. She became stable with oral meds by Sunday evening and they discharged us. In the latter hours of our stay there, we had some tough decisions to make but we got through it. My wife is the exact definition of “Tiger Mom” and I love every bit of that part of her.
We are home monitoring her now and she will go to her pediatrician tomorrow.
She was diagnosed with Serum Sickness and Rhinovirus. This could be a result of the allergic reaction to the penicillin, or her FPIES or the Serum Sickness could’ve happened from the Rhinovirus. Orrrr, a combination of those things.
I was driving today and actually had a moment of tears because of how scary everything was but also how thankful I was that we were through the worst of it. If you were a part of our support system, we thank you so much for your help.