Eyes for the blind, legs for the lame…

When I was growing up I never prayed. Well, I never prayed for anything I should have at least and that wasn’t because of my age and it wasn’t because of ignorance. It was because of disbelief and nothing more. I never believed in the power of prayer because I never had a reason to.

I prayed for mercy. I prayed to get out of trouble. I never prayed for anyone else. I never prayed for guidance. I prayed to be relieved of misery and I prayed for relief from the pain associated with heroin withdrawal. I prayed to prevent the lights on the cop car behind me from turning on.

I have experienced some very dark times in my life, most of which self induced. I drank myself into some of the darkest, scariest moments you can imagine. I have been as close to killing myself as you can get without actually pulling the trigger or yanking that steering wheel into oncoming traffic. My spirit has been so dark that there were times in my life when I actually liked it. I felt comfort in my distance from God (not knowing I was distant from God) because in that darkness I felt like it couldn’t get any worse. My life getting better wasn’t an option, I knew I was doomed to a life of discomfort and misery, so knowing that I was to live in a demonic-esqe (I just made that word up, you’re welcome) lifestyle actually soothed me.

Until it didn’t. Until I realized I was wrong about it not getting worse.

And then… I just was consumed by hopelessness.

Eventually I was exposed to a way of life that offered a Solution strong enough to insert a splinter of light into me and clear cut directions to turn that splinter into a light so bright that it has brought me to my knees, both figuratively and literally, both in good ways.

Prayer was a big part of that. Prayers followed by consistent action.

I recently went to a worship event at church. For the folks who don’t know what that is, it’s a night to praise God through music. I never knew this was a thing either, don’t worry. Through a friend, I ended up with a spot close to the front, but in between two strangers. The person on my right was a 8-10 year old boy playing Nintendo Switch the whole time and to his right was his mother. I could be wrong, but it appeared that she was a single mother.

To my left was a young man holding a brand new baby. He held her for the first two songs until he handed her off and took a seat in a room full of hundreds of people standing and he sat there and prayed for basically the rest of the night.

I spent the rest of the night taking note of these two families. This in turn had me thinking of my family. It had me thinking about worshipping God and my approach to it. It had me reflecting on all the good God has done for me and my family. It had me recognizing that the light in my life in contrast to the darkness that I lived in for so long was nothing short of miraculous.

Since getting sober, I never prayed with anyone other than at the beginning or the end of a meeting. People drone through the serenity prayer and the Lord’s Prayer with little to no enthusiasm. It appears to be a chore to most. Occasionally there’s some energy to it, but mostly its just part of the format as opposed to a cry out to God.

I pray crying out to God. I pray crying out with gratitude, praise or requesting direction and I have always done that alone. Not necessarily in private, but always alone.

During this night of worship, something in me called me to try something different. After the music was all done, I felt completely consumed by what I believe to be the Holy Spirit to pray with others. I requested some help with that from my friend. He gathered 4 others and the 6 of us formed a circle and prayed together.

This was completely foreign to me but felt completely right at the same time.

We prayed that my family be touched by the God in me. We prayed that I be changed into a man that is so full of God’s love that the light in me becomes infectious to them. That they experience what I am experiencing.

Now my wife walks with God. Her light is already bright and it is clear to anybody she comes in contact with through her kindness, compassion and selflessness. I have never witnessed a human (alcoholic or not) that is capable of being who she is to this family without being filled up with God.

But the prayer is still valid. I want everyone, including my family to feel what I have been feeling lately. It’s not that I am floating around just constantly pumping out love 24/7. I have my flaws, and I have a lot of them, but I have recently experienced God inside of me in a way that I have NEVER experienced in the past and man, I want them and you to feel that more than anything else in the world.

So we prayed.

It’s a prayer I have been praying consistently for months and a prayer I will continue to pray for the rest of my life if that’s how long it takes. And it may not ever happen, only God knows for sure. I believe this story has already been written, I’m just flipping the pages, but I also believe that God hears me crying out and that night he heard those other men crying out for the same thing.

Since that night, I have had an uptick in opportunities to be of service to others affected by alcoholism. I have been called to help and I know what that is from. God wants me to help His kids. 3 different men asked me for help with their alcoholism in the last 3 days and I was willing and able.

I believe these two topics are very connected. I think that was God’s way of telling me that He is handling what I need, and reminding me that I am handling what He needs.

 Matthew 18:19-20 “Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.“